The emotions when someone loses a child, to death, are like a tornado that takes everything and leaves the broken, crumbled foundation for you to reconstruct. The day my son left his body is a day I will never forget. I relive it everyday when I awake and realize that Caleb is gone. Every morning I hope that I am waking from a nightmare and my son is laying there beside me. Through my grief I have read a lot about life after death. A couple of books that helped me were Heaven is for Real and The Boy Who Came Back From Heaven. The innocence of these children and their stories are humbling to say the least and to some are a test of faith and force people to examine their beliefs. The first hand accounts from these kids are unexplained by science and the details and similarities are too stark to discredit.The accounts from these boys and what they saw and heard is something I take comfort in knowing that my son experienced the same thing. The day my son died I held his lifeless body for hours, when I finally got the courage to look at his face he had this little smile that showed a peaceful side of death.
As a family we decided to go and watch the new movie Heaven is for Real. My husband and I did talk about this movie and discussed it with our daughter Bella who is 6 six years old now. It has been six years since my son died and Bella was only nine months old at the time so this was a decision that we did not take lightly. We have had pretty much every conversation and question that you could imagine about death, Heaven, and God. We felt as though she was ready to see this movie as it might bring her and us some clarity that Caleb is in good hands. (Do know I went into this movie thinking of all the negatives I could about religion and my faith. Trust me I struggle with it on a daily basis.) The only tear I shed during the movie was when the father was in the hospital chapel yelling at God, because there was a good chance that his son was not going to make it. I remember the exact moment when I yelled at God and it brought that anger back to me. Not only did it bring back the anger but it also brought a feeling of guilt that I blamed God for this and through it all, he was one of the only stable things in my life.
The rest of the movie was an eye opener for me. Not like some spiritual thing but I sat there and thought about this 4 year old little boy. I thought how innocent a child is at that age. It is my opinion that children this age don’t lie unless they are told to do so or they are trying to hide something. Also, children don’t describe things in detail unless they see it. The fact that this boy saw what he did gave me a little bit of peace. It’s been about five years since I have read the book and I remember the peace I got after I finished it and closed the book. That peace came back to me tonight. The way that little boy described heaven and the things he saw bring me back to the day Caleb passed and the little smile he had on his lifeless body.
What Caleb saw was beautiful and peaceful, I can guarantee you that. My son had a peaceful glare to him, it is something I cannot describe. I don’t care what you believe in or what religion you are when you see a four year old’s dead body and his little smile brings you hope and peace I believe this validates that there is something else out there. I remember telling Rob I am not afraid to die anymore. Caleb gave me that peace in his little smirk. So did those little boys who shared their near-death experiences with the world. These testimonials give me the comfort I need to know that the smile that was on Caleb’s face was sent to me from heaven…